Mornings

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Mornings used to be easier. But we’ve entered a new season. In this season, mornings are work. Hard work. Important work.

Today, during my lunch, I went back and re-read my own post on my morning hacks to get mamas out the door smoothly… it once worked for me. I felt like I had mornings together when I wrote that post. (You can check it out here!)

But not lately.

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I wondered if I had lost some of my proven habits along the way somehow. Maybe that’s why mornings seemed so chaotic here lately.

So I read through my post. Check. Check. Check. Check. Check. I’m still doing these things! So why have mornings gotten so much harder? I sat here at my desk at work, pondering, already worn out from the battles that were fought this morning.

“This is a new season, Mama.”

Those were the words that popped into my head. At some point, we transitioned seasons. Sometimes seasons come in like a lion and out like a lamb. This was one of those.

These aren’t my favorite. I much prefer seasons like lake life seasons… seasons that make you fully aware when they are ending. Seasons that allow you to reminisce with them, to even mourn their passing. I don’t like seasons that pass like a thief in the night. They leave you lost and confused, questioning your parenting styles and abilities and even your children’s and your own sanity.

a typical morning

This morning was a pretty typical morning. My alarm was set for 4:56 am, but I was nudged awake slightly earlier by a little boy who wanted to crawl into bed with Mama. I obliged, and up he crawled.

Before long, my alarm started going off, and I rolled over to K asking for milk and muffins. So we got up and headed for the kitchen. As I was mixing up his toddler formula, a sleepy eyed little girl carrying her blankie, hair wild, appeared in the kitchen doorway. She didn’t utter a word, but I knew she was ready for her milk too.

I asked her if she wanted to sit on the counter, to which she frowned, but nodded yes. I handed the bottle of water and formula powder to her so she could shake it up. I handed her her pink sippy cup and let her dump the bottle of now mixed formula into her cup and put her lid on. She handed it back to me, so I could twist it on tight for her. We’ve had lots of mornings where the formula gets spilled on the transition from bottle to sippy cup or when P refuses to let me check the tightness of the lid. Today was a good morning… no spills.

I put Kayden down from the counter, milk in one hand, coffee cup full of muffins in the other. I hoisted P onto my hip and we headed back to the bedroom to settle into some Peter Rabbit so I could get into the shower.

Time to get ready

Now, I have really decreased the amount of time it takes me to get ready in the mornings! Before kids, I would always set my alarm about an hour and 15 minutes before I needed to be leaving the house. What did I even do back then?! I’ve got my own routine down to about 25 minutes- showered and ready to head out the door!

So, anyway, I got out of the shower to find Kayden rummaging through the drawers in the bathroom, my gel eye mask around his neck like a necklace. I peeked into our bedroom to see P still laying in our bed, sleepy eyed.

I gave P&K a 10 minute warning, and reminded them that when Mommy was done getting ready it would be their turn.

I threw my hair up and put on a little bit of make-up. And then I heard the all too familiar sound of Mack drinking from the toilet. “Mack!” I could strangle him! But it’s really not his fault. I’ve forgotten to feed or water him this morning. Again. And he’s just being resourceful and low maintenance really. Maybe I wouldn’t mind as much if I knew he wouldn’t dribble toilet water all over the bathroom floor.

Time out

I abandon getting ready and hurry back to the utility room to get the dogs some breakfast. Peyton’s interest is sparked, so she meanders out of bed and follows me, wanting to help too. I fill their water bowl with water and hand it over to P so she can SLOWLY carry it into the utility room. “Me being careful,” she says with a smile, as she looks over her shoulder at me, spilling water as she goes.

Dogs fed and watered, we head back to their bedroom so we can get them dressed. I put Kayden up on the changing table first, and instruct Peyton to start picking out her clothes, because, well I know it is going to take for-ev-er! I then realize that somewhere between muffins and Mack drinking out of the toilet, Kayden must have pooped.

Now, if I’m being honest, I hope and pray each morning that Kayden will save this for daycare. He absolutely HATES it when I change his poopy diaper. He screams, and kicks and crosses his legs together. “Me no wike it! Stop it! You stop it!” Every time, I ask him if it hurts, he says it doesn’t, he says it’s cold, and we fight until I get him cleaned up. That’s the routine. But only for me. Which makes me feel awesome, ya know.

So I get Kayden into a fresh diaper and get his pants on, but he insists on picking out his shirt himself. He’s pretty reasonable though, so I grab a second option for him, and he happily chooses between the dinosaur shirt and the motorcycle shirt that I offer him. Awesome. Shoes, socks, and one baby is ready to go.

Alight, Peyton’s turn. She’s picked out a shirt so far, so I open up her pants drawer and pull out a pair of jeans. “Me no want those!” We argue back and forth, because of course she wants to wear a pair of flowery leggings with the striped shirt she picked out. We settle on a pair of pink pants and I slip them on for her.

Now let me just say that at this very moment, I felt like I was winning! She let me put her pants on for her! Maybe we will all make it to school and work on time today!

Well, that was foolish of me. Because she quickly realized what I had just done.

“No! Me do it!” she melts into a puddle of emotions, kicking and screaming and ripping her pants back off so she can do it herself. At this point, I want to lose my dang mind. I am absolutely not a morning person in the first place. Now you’ve piled on the dog drinking out of the toilet, toddler meltdowns and demands for independence, Kayden pulling at my leg and whining for me to hold him, all while we are now running late, and I’ve had zero coffee or caffeine of any sort. And I want to lose it. I want to scream at her, spank her butt and put her dang pants on myself!

But I don’t.

I scoop up Kayden, leave Peyton to put her own pants on, and head for the kitchen to make my breakfast smoothie, grab my lunch from the fridge, put my own socks on, let the dogs out one more time, and carry my bag to the car. And as I’m walking back into the kitchen, I see a little girl walking down the hall, with not only her pants on, but also her shoes and socks. All is right in the world for her at this moment.

I take a deep breath, smile, and I feel like we’re back on track.

We head back to their bedroom where she has to turn her sound machine off herself, take her old pony tail out herself, brush her own hair, and attempt to put a new pony in her hair, also by herself. I wait patiently and ask her if I can help her when she gives up on the new pony. She lets me, we assemble something that resembles a messy bun, and I think we might finally be ready.

But not quite yet…

As we are heading out of the bedroom, P realizes I must have shut her dresser drawer for her earlier. “My shut my drawer,” she shrieks, running back into the room, opening the closed drawer and shutting it herself. She comes back out, morning sippy cup in one hand, blankie in the other, and she heads for the kitchen.

After turning off each light by herself and throwing her sippy cup into the sink, and lots of encouragement from Mama to hurry, she’s ready to go. She holds the door open for Kayden and I and closes it behind her as she leaves. I check my phone, and it’s 6:37. If I can get this girl into the car in the next 8 minutes, we will make it on time!

She has to show me how she can jump off the stairs, “Mommy, watch me! My be careful!” She then has to run outside and check for fog. It’s very important that she lets me know whether or not our drive will be foggy. This morning, there is a little fog, so she updates me with, “Foggy outside, Mama!”

We’re finally ready to get into the car, which, as you can probably guess, she has to do herself. She has to buckle herself in too. “Watch yous fingers,” she warns me! I take another deep breath because now it is 6:46, and we are 1 minute past when we should have left. This morning she finally gets herself buckled and allows me to tighten the straps, but a lot of mornings aren’t like that. More often than not, Peyton ends up screaming, arching her back, kicking and hitting as I force her into her seat after 7ish minutes of trying to patiently brave her “My do it myself”s.

In the midst of the moment

It’s in the midst of these moments that I want to lose my mind. I’m not a morning person to begin with, and mornings are work. Hard work. Add in morning meltdowns, demanding toddlers, a little boy wanting to watch Peter Rabbit and to be held, and a dog trying to drink from the toilet and Mama wants to lose her dang mind!

I’m working on taking deep breaths and reminding myself that these days won’t last forever. Mornings will settle down. Kayden won’t always want held. Peyton will soon be much more efficient in the dressing herself department. And I’ll miss these days. Like, probably really really miss them!

I remind myself that P&K are only two. And the twos are terrific. Not terrible. They are learning so much. They’re learning how to be responsible, caring, loving humans.

I remind myself that Peyton’s independence and drive and persistence will serve her well one day. She’s going to do amazing things! I don’t want to extinguish her fight, her passion and her fierceness.

Kayden’s loving heart and caring nature is going to serve him well too. It’s going to make him the kind of friend, husband, father and person that others will admire. He’s going to change the world!

So I’m going to remind myself that this work we do in the mornings is the most important work. It’s the work that I’ll be remembered for. It’s the work that’s going to shape who Peyton and Kayden become. The work that’s going to make them feel loved, valued, and worthy.

I’m going to remember that this is a new season. I’m going to take a deep breath and I’m going to give myself grace during the hard times, the times when I might lose track of the importance of the work we are doing. I’m going to focus on living these moments with intention. And I’ll set my alarm just a little earlier tomorrow too. Because this is a new season. And in the next season, I’ll miss this craziness.

With love, Amanda

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